I've been thinking about updating my portfolio site. The most recent item up there I completed before I met my wife -- over five years ago -- and I have done a lot of work since then. The site itself could use some updating as well. It's too "web design-y" and not very "usability-ish".

But then again, why bother? I'm not going anywhere. A year ago, I was pretty frustrated with the job but things have changed. I was actively looking for a new job, though not entirely sold on the idea of leaving. Back then, I was focusing a lot of the blame on the way the job's structured, the way our headquarters gets all up in my junk when I'm doing great work for them. Since then, I've learned that even though those things are true, I can make changes in my own work behaviors to make things better. I'm still employing that idea but the adjustments I've already made have had a huge improvement on my overall happiness, and not just at work. (Some of this, by the way, I owe to my work with my therapist.)

Given that updating my site could be an arduous (albeit potentially fun) task, and given that I'm not thinking of changing jobs or taking on any freelance work, why would I take the time to do it? I think I just answered my own question.

One thing I'll need to figure out for myself if I'm going to stay here for the long term is how to not be such a last-minute-freak-out-a-go-go all the time. Perfect example: yesterday. I spent all of last week interviewing associates from a large department store chain and was set to present my findings back to them. Except that because I was exhausted or my body was still in another time zone or simply because I was a slacker, I didn't put together the presentation until the morning before. And I didn't feel that it was very good. I was yelling at myself like a crazy person in the shower about how much of a slacker I was. I warned my boss that this could be not so great.

And then it was great. I don't know how I do it, but I was on. My boss and other coworker said they were amazed. "It's like someone plugged you in," one said. So it went fantastically. The client was ecstatic and I felt great. Except that I'd wasted at least two days feeling like shit and stressing out about it. Somehow I need to manage my time or maybe just my stress so that I can be good at what I do and be relatively at ease about doing it.

I've read several articles lately about the "art of imperfection". Essentially, it is the insight to realize that life is iterative and the ability to let things which are not perfect out into the world because of that. The idea hits home. Hard. I am a self-described, and proud of it, perfectionist. But in the last year, because of work and my growing relationship with Corinne, I have began to realize that perfectionism isn't perfect. And the energy and stress to try and accomplish perfection is wasted.

Sort of. There's only so far I can go. I can let go of things that are 90% but I'd be embarrassed to let a 60% document go. But if I can let 90% out in the world comfortably, rather than biting my nails because it isn't 99%, I'll be pretty happy. Now if everyone else would just get to 90%, this plan would work out fabulously.

Just kidding.

Sort of.