"You can't expect to achieve a worthy goal without a certain amount of risk. Calculate it this afternoon. The law of averages is working in your favor."

that was my horoscope on Tuesday, the day i made the offer on the house. i read it on the bus ride home from the ballgame. by that time, the decision was made. i'd already taken the plunge. it would have been much more helpful to have read that earlier in the day.

i didn't need a whole lot of coaxing, though. i went to take pictures of the place on Tuesday at noon with my agent (who i highly recommend, should you ever need such services) and was so happy with the place that we ended up sitting down and putting together the offer. i wasn't truly prepared for what an offer entailed. i signed about 150 pieces of paper. my initials became illegible squiggles by the end. and we offered more than i had expected to --- a little over asking -- but it turned out to be a great decision since the other two offers were similarly priced. Danielle helped me through a lot of the choices and had thoroughly read the disclosure packet so i only had to skim it.

the rest of the day, i faxed her addendums and approved this and that, and then went to watch the Giants beat the Dodgers (...i have to say it was a good day) with Matt. great game, lots of fun, but by the time i got home, i was so tired i felt queasy. of course, that didn't mean i could fall asleep nor sleep in late the next morning. my brain was active and sleep was short.

the next day, the day the offers were delivered and accepted or declined, i went to work and tried very hard to forget about the whole thing. every time the phone would ring, though, i was expecting some kind of news. any news would have done. good or bad, i would sigh in relief and be done with it. but one call after another failed to have the person i wanted to hear from on the other end. and as the day waned, i began to get more and more anxious and less and less able to concentrate on anything else. the lack of a restful night's sleep wasn't helping, either. and i was ravenous. i ate two huge sandwiches for lunch and was starving an hour later.

then the call came. "hi Sean. it's Danielle. are you sitting down? or standing up? or whatever position you want to be in to get happy?" my offer was accepted! holy shit! i was too tired to be truly exuberant and too relieved to do much else besides breathe and thank Danielle over and over. i called my parents, i told a couple coworkers, i called Corinne, i called Dennis, i called Yve, i left messages all over town ... yo, bizzatches, i'm buying a motherfuckin' house! it had happened. just like that. i wasn't ready to do it, i had planned on finding a place in a few months, it had surprised me, but i was glad i'd taken the risk and gone for the good deal.

after sitting through an extremely contentious meeting, scheduled unfortunately late in the day, i headed to Corinne's house where she had news and a plan to take me out to celebrate. the news was she'd talked to her roommate and they'd agreed to move out of their house by August 1st and she was ready to move in with me about the same time. i was actually more excited by this news than the house. of course, that was partly because it still hadn't hit me that i was actually buying a house. but also because, wow, i get to live with my girlfriend, this beautiful, wonderful, smart, fun, hot, hot, hot girl i happened upon one day in September. what luck.

we went to Bay Wolf, in Piedmont, for dinner. it was delicious. very fresh, tasty food. i had very good scallops wrapped in prosciutto followed by an awesome piece of halibut. she had arugula salad with a really great blue cheese and a turkey romalade that had a bit of a bite to it. it was goddamn hot, even though we were sitting at an outdoor table, but the food made it worth it. we skipped dessert intending to get ice cream but the line was too long and we just headed back to her house.

somewhere i mentioned to her how this year had been all about commitment. i've committed to her, through rough times and smooth sailing. i've committed to a job, despite times of boredom and annoyance. and now, i've committed to a ridiculously huge purchase but one that will bring me a lot of happiness and comfort. i'm taking risks. i'm putting myself out there. i'm saying, "okay, universe, i've thought a lot about what i want, i've found it, and now i'm willing to risk a piece of my skin, and maybe an aorta or two, to get it. do what you will." sure, i still flinch now and then but i'm getting more and more comfortable with looking head on into life. risk does come with reward, after all. and that horoscope was spot on.